If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
