why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
