I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
