Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
