I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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