You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
