Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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