Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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