Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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