my room smells like sperm. sweet.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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