The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
