Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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