So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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