God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
