I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
