oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
