He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
