What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
