I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
