I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
