Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
