He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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