I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
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