Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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