I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
