Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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