There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Found the puke drawer
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
