Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
