it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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