I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
