Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
