dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
