My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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