Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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