my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
