Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
