i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
