I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
