There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
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She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
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After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
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