Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
