he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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