had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
