Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You're earring is so big in my mouth
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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