the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
