You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
