His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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