Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
