with your own penis?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
