3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
