You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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