you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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