I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
