Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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