The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
