Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
