1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You're like the curious george of whores
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
