let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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