Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
