Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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