I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
