i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
