I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
