Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Dear god my vagina.
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