just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
