You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
