Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
