I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
