She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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