There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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