I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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