this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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