Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
