Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
