Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
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