I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
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i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
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You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
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