Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
