Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
