i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
