This dress was meant to end up on your floor
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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