when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
