before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
