He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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