She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Randomize
