i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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