Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm like, not good at living.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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