week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I can't turn off my feet"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
