I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
