life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize