it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
