she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
