Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
