if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
