She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
