I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
